It’s been hot, muggy, and wet. This is my absolute favorite weather therefore even my bad moods feel pretty good and difficult situations are amusing.

Charley is working for a local lady part time to clean up her garden. I asked him to remove some dead plants in our garden and he said “you gonna pay me?”

Of course not. You’re not even paying rent, husband and father of my child. But that didn’t register.

“This place is too expensive, I’m going to the homeless shelter.”

I’m paraphrasing, but supposedly if you don’t think you’re required to work as a human you can get away with not doing it by:

  • Working occasionally for Mrs. Robinson across town
  • Threatening to move into a homeless shelter
  • Singing a homemade song about a “wicked wench” who obviously is not your wife
  • Complaining about how rich the landlord is and how he should be giving you your house for free

But what is promising about my husband is that he is bothering me less about this “horrible, self-indulgent” book I wrote exposing his immaturity, and he is sober and sometimes cooks and has sex and as far as I know hasn’t cheated since August.

In a couple weeks there will be a farmers market only a mile from home, and I’ll be a year older. In a couple weeks is my one year anniversary and I still have hope that we will learn how to communicate and my husband will buy a ring- for himself or for me, either would be nice. 

I’m afraid to write too much personal stuff about family here because it has a way of meandering out into the universe and finding the eyes of the very people I don’t want it to find, but let me tell you this:

My husband can be very selfish and also very loving. I couldn’t at all make heads or tails of it because it can be an exchange of the two back and forth black and white night and day from one second to the next like you wouldn’t believe… and then I had more exchanges with his mother. 

She’s very kind and creative and empathetic but also says the darndest things like “I’d love to watch Dakota. I’m just very busy right now. I am addicted to her though. Maybe if I watch her once a week you can weed my garden.”

Weed your garden?? Maybe you’re supposed to do grandma stuff!

My mom visits in June and I can’t wait. I know she’s made for this. 

Other shit I cannot believe people say in regards to Dakota:

“Look at those cute chubby legs. I started out with those legs and now I’m getting those legs again.” Thanks, Paula Deen.

“Look at that baby, not a care in the world. Won’t be like that for her EVER AGAIN. People STRIVE for that zen all of their lives and NEVER find it.” Thanks, Krishnamurti.

Charley’s at AA so time to drink some wine. Cheers.

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