How to talk to a woman wearing 350,000 angry bees

1. Don’t wear cologne. The angry bees will sting you. Especially avoid Axe body spray. It will make a woman nauseous and likely to walk away before you can ask her what her favorite Quentin Tarantino movie is.  

2. Avoid brightly colored clothes. The bees will sting you and the woman will think you’re a fruit cake or frat boy, neither a condition the woman wants to talk to let alone take on a date.

3. Don’t approach the woman with 350,000 bees while eating or drinking anything too sugary. The bees will think you’re a flower and the woman will think you’re a lush. 

4. Don’t walk barefoot. The angry bees might be taking little trips to the ground around your feet. If you step on them you’ve just murdered the woman’s bees. She will not be pleased.

5. Avoid wearing loose-fitting clothes, especially wide pant legs. The bees will fly up your pants and sting you. The woman will be very annoyed because those are her bees, you piece of shit.

6. Stay still when you are near her. The bees will attack you if you aren’t still. The woman will attack you if you piss off her bees. 

7. Keep your windows rolled up. This way you can avoid the angry bees and the woman doesn’t have to hear the stupid things coming out of your mouth.

8. Don’t carry garbage with you. Bees like trash. Women don’t.

9. If the woman with 350,000 angry bees is in the flower garden, just wait until she’s ready to leave. That’s her sanctuary and you would be a pest in her sanctuary. The bees will sting you if the sanctuary is disturbed. 

10. Call a professional. Maybe a beekeeper or a pest removal service. They will kill the bees and the woman will be visible again and if she doesn’t murder you- which she probably will for killing her bees- then you can strike up a conversation. Maybe something about bees?

Advertisements