WHAT THE F— IS A BFG?

With the summer release of “The BFG,” a Steven Spielberg directed adaptation of the Roald Dahl book, everyone is either thrilled to return to a childhood memory or asking themselves, “What the fuck is a BFG?”

While I grew up on James and his giant peach and Charlie and his chocolate factory, I was in the category of people who didn’t know what the hell BFG could be. When I saw it on the local theater billboard I thought, “Oh, a big fucking something. But a big fucking what? A grandma? A God?”

So I asked friends. “What is a BFG, Tony?”

Tony said a “Belligerent Farting Ghoul.”
“A what?”

“From a Smiths’ song (belligerent ghouls run Manchester schools),” he explained.
Chris said, “I assumed from the poster it was Big Fuckin’ Giant.”

“Is it Bernard’s Fraternal Grandmother? Or making wine from Belligerent French Grapes?” Nigel asked.

“No, I don’t think so. Who is Bernard?”

“Bernie Sanders.”

“The BFG-9000, which stands for Big Fucking Gun,” Scott said.

None of this seemed legit, so I asked some women, because they always have the answer.

“It’s Big Friendly Giant. I have an old paperback version I got in London in the early 90s,” Cynthia said.

Nigel intercepts. “Bernie Sanders deep in the basement of a medieval library looking up his family tree records by candlelight. The library tells him he needs a subscription to ancestry.com. He slams his fists on a pile of dusty parchments ‘this service should be free for the people I tells ya.’ ”

Maybe the BFG is whatever you want it to be. “Big Fucking Goose-egg,” Molly adds.

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