We all know bros come from ‘Murica, and if you’re not a bro then you’re liable to anger a bro. What is a bro? It has been a short word for brother, or an informal term for male friend. It’s often associated with conventional American guys who like to party and have a good time. It’s usually paired with sports and fraternities. There’s the frat boy bro, the ski bum bro, the surfer bro, the Bernie bro. Some bros are more esteem worthy than others; most connote a sense of entitlement and testosterone.
The point here isn’t to define bro but to figure out how to be more like a bro. Who wants to piss off a bro? There seem to be a string of things that make the Abercrombie dude irate, so here is how to appease him. If you want to avoid confrontation with a bro here is what you have to do:

Be heterosexual. 

Buy a boat.

Axe body spray.

Yell about everything.

Grill a burger.

Play Cards Against Humanity and laugh about it a lot.

Say “No Homo” to everything.

Sing Journey.

Drink whey protein and flex.

Play video games and pin up nudie posters.

Drink Pabst and talk about how great it is every day.

Talk about basketball.

Put vodka in your Gatorade and Snapple.

Gym selfies.

Selfies with your old man.

Go to Bro-chella.

If you’re political, troll the internet for political posts, talk about being revolutionary; be sure to demean anyone with a varying opinion.

Brag about last night’s black out.

Talk about boobs.

Fist bumps.

Brag about “Murica”, the greatest country on Earth.


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