You’re young and sexy and filled with wanderlust, but you’re broke. What to do? Don’t fret. There are a million perfect destinations for a person like you to get out of their house and see the world without breaking the bank or starving to death.
You’ll of course need a little money for gas, unless you plan to hitchhike, but that’s not something I’m going to recommend unless you want to end up like Colorado’s orange socks murders of 1982 or the 1950s Walhalla hitchhiker who haunts South Carolina’s Highway 107.
So you have a little money for fuel. Now you need a flexible plan. Where to camp? Where to eat? Where to party? Where to pick up a used copy of “Am I Ready For Chest Hair”? The best camping spots are on FreeCampsites.net. The best places to eat are 7-11, Circle K and Kum & Go. The best places to party are in the back of your Buick LeSabre.
Now for the treats. Go to La Casa de Mama when you have a few dimes to spare and buy a chimichanga. The Hot and Sexy Club will provide free jello shots to all the ladies in 6-inch stilettos. No Name Club in Frattamaggiore is the kind of place you can make a name for yourself, but that’s in Naples so you’ll have to settle for the one in L.A. where you can look cool standing outside asking for a drag and talking about your latest screenplay.
Other cool places: Middle of Butt Fuck Nowhere, Help Me Mommy, and Fuck My Life. Good luck, penniless superstar.