YOUR GUIDE TO BECOMING A TRUE REVOLUTIONARY

In order to be a true revolutionary you will need to make friends with a bird. If a bird doesn’t befriend you then how will hot actresses ever endorse you? When the people see that a bird and hot actress trusts you, they too will trust you.
Promises! It isn’t about what you do but what you say about what you will do. Just give people hope that the current establishment, which is of course very bad, will be destroyed under your reign. Who cares what follows? The point is that whatever exists now, all very bad stuff, will be destroyed by your curmeodgeny wrath.
Make sure your hair is wild. Not Richard Simmons wild, but definitely Albert Einstein wild. You want to look smart but disheveled like a mad scientist. Spectacles will hide your lazy eye and a nice tweed suit will make you appear less homeless. Remember, you want to appeal to the general people, not just unemployed millennials.
Talk about Wall Street. Talk about evil millionaires and billionaires. To appeal to America’s youth hit them with flowers and acronyms – a few OMGs and LOLs to stay ultra-relatable. Please hide the fact that you yourself are worth millions.
Wave your arms wildly. Yell and point fingers. Tell your wife or husband to get off the stage.
Say Marxist things like: “You have nothing to lose but your chains!” and “The meaning of peace is the absence of opposition to socialism,” or maybe just, “You know what, never mind. nothing matters.”

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