IF YOU CAN’T BE INTERESTING BE TOPICAL

It’s hard to stay trendy on the internet. We all want to be the bell of the social media ball, but often we don’t know what to talk about in the first place. Here is how, regardless of how interesting, funny or charming you are as an individual, you too can be relevant and hot on your network.
First of all, what do you like? Godard movies? Clark Gable? Grouse hunting? Ethiopian food? Crocheting? By themselves these things are old news and inconsequential, but paired with something trendy they too can be important:
Godard and the Kardashians

Clark Gable and Hillary’s purse

Grouse and Lemonade

Ethiopian food and Pilates 

Crocheting and the art of manliness
Second: topical deaths. Did your Aunt Marjorie just get hit by the train in front of the St. Paul capitol building? Who cares! Mourn the deaths of rock stars and models who overdosed on Percocet and steroids. Mourn the people with cult followings and you too will have a cult following.
Talk about your dogs and cats. People are ruthless, but they have a soft spot for pets and this should be exploited. Does Spot like bubble baths? Instagram that shit.
Be organic. Be green. Between your yoga selfies and quotes by Hudson, Alba, Diaz and Paltrow, there are a plethora of young ladies ready to recognize you as the next green zen organic sustainable feminist icon. All you need is a sprinkle of open letters to grimy politicians, green kale smoothie recipes and a step-by-step guide to barley derivatives.
Lastly, love millennials. Hate Wall Street. Capitalism is bad. iPhones are good. Gluten is Hell. Beyonce.

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