If you are between the ages of 12 and 83, you’re probably having some sort of life crisis. The only way to approach it is by reading a selection of these self-help books from the personal growth section of your local bookstore.
1. “Essential steps to run-in-a-meadow-waving-arms-wildly-for-an-instagram-selfie love life”

Aka. Tattoos won’t give you a personality

2. “I will not take anyone’s shit”

Aka. You’re a little fish in an ocean of sea monsters

3. “You’re never gonna be as special as you felt as a kid”

Aka. You like me but do you like like like me?

4. “Do you even follow the way of the Tao, bro?”

Aka. What if the best day of your life was a dream?

5. “Good job, idiot”

Aka. Watch a toddler walk to feel better about yourself

6. “I am cashmere in a field of cotton”

Aka. Keep French dictionaries and fruity lip gloss in your desk

7. “Fuck everything”

Aka. You’re good at sex, I can tell

8. “Maybe your life is hard but at least you have arms”

Aka. You can never tell if it’s life or your never-ending overpowering melancholic depression

9. “LOL it gets worse”

Aka. Your dream of being a principal dancer in the NYC Ballet might not come true

10. “Hi I am alive”

Aka. “Everything happens for a reason,” says a man who gets hit by a bus today

11. “Oh well, too late to stop being terrible now”

Aka. The whole world is turning into a trash can


12. “Sometimes I don’t even know if I’m alive”

Aka. You can’t out-dream me, you little bitch

13. “Whatever”

Aka. Good luck