CONVERSATIONS SINCE I BEGAN DATING MYSELF

  
me: you’re making me nervousme: doesn’t everything make you nervous

me: so what
me: do you want to get ice cream?

me: I’d love to

me: here let me get the door

me: oh thank you

me: you look stunning

me: blush stop it
me: why’re you so weird?

me: why’re you talking to me?
me: being sweet

me: what’s this all about?
me: it’s your day off, ready to do something fun?

me: no
me: I just want someone who loves me unconditionally every day for the rest of my life 

me: that is utterly ridiculous
me: you worry too much 

me: no I don’t, why do you think that? what did I say for you to think that? what does that mean anyway? what
me: I’ve never been on a hot air balloon 

me: who cares why are you talking?
me: how are you?

me: I’m sick of talking about myself
me: I’m kind of tired, tomorrow?

me: hmm idk I’m probably tired tomorrow
me: very serious all the time

me: my feet smell like pineapple. here, smell.
me: it hurts my feelings 

me: what?

me: everything
me: does something

me: ugh what a dork, stop

me: does something else

me: omg you’re the worst
me: I’m sorry I’ve flirted with all of your friends at some point 

me: me too
me: I like you 

me [an hour later]: jk I don’t like you i never liked you liking you would be fucking stupid
me: tell me i’m pretty

me: I’d fuck you

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