An introvert’s guide to being a social butterfly

Can you barely look at yourself in the mirror? Is your only social interaction of the day talking to a cashier? Do you drive to a cafe across town to avoid your coworker? It’s okay! It’s important to embrace your solitude – take long baths and stare at walls wondering about fatal toys from Tudor England and Medieval lingerie. 
However, you want to crack your cocoon and be a social butterfly. How do you, the ultimate hermit, master the world of sociability? 
The first step is small talk. “Do you like your kids?” “Is that your real hair?” There are many great opening questions; don’t hesitate to say whatever pops into your head. 
You never answer your phone? Answer your phone! A salesman from Texas? Is he married? Is he smarter than he sounds? The phone is just another place to learn from the world.
You loiter around the exit at parties. Don’t. Get in the action. Follow the host. Is he getting ice? Help. Help pick a sweater. Don’t leave his side.
Instead of leaving a party early to go home and read, why not read at the party? Run a bubble bath. Light candles. Play India Arie.
You go entire conversations mute. Throw in some interesting facts instead, like “John Adams had a pet alligator,” and “Ice age Britons used skulls of the dead as cups.”
“Oh sorry just saw this!” you tell your friend who texted last month. It’s fine. Just drive 800 miles and show up in his living room. It will be a great surprise and you’ll be better friends. You will be a social butterfly.
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