How Laziness Can Save Your Life

“I always liked tumbling and spent my recess on monkey bars but I never did gymnastics because I wanted to watch Inspector Gadget and eat potato chips, not practice handsprings. Because of my laziness I’m injury-free and my growth isn’t stunted.” -Genna, 17, professional cuddler
“I slept in and missed the ACT exams two times so I didn’t go to Berkeley but my friend did and he got shot by burglars.” -Tyler, 21, English teacher in Hong Kong

“I was late for work a lot and finally the boss fired me, so yeah I was pissed but also relieved because my morning laziness helped me narrowly escape getting get stuck in a tedious 9-to-5 job editing fifth-grade-level news articles for the rest of my life.” -Tara, 24, sleep study participant

“I thought I wanted to climb the Grand Canyon but I didn’t walk more than five miles this winter, so instead of falling to my death into a pile of rocks this summer I’m going to be watching 101 Dalmatians with my dogs and drink mojitos.” -Greg, 33, movie extra

“I met the love of my life and almost got married to my girl in Vegas except that would have meant a lot of energetic spur-of-the-moment planning and why plan anything when you can just be lazy, eat breakfast at Denny’s and talk about black holes and palm-size satellites together? We eventually hated each other and now I won’t have to file papers or pay the cunt any dues.” -Gavin, 29, beer tester
Article published here-