Your brain got in the way when you met Jewish Indiana Jones. He came over with a Doors record and you talked about Jung and made out on the shag carpet. So what was the problem? Your brain. Your brain told you to explain your sexual past and bring up every insecurity ever and when he took a step back you immediately texted him 20 times.
The best way to stop your brain from taking over and ruining a good situation is to exercise it with non-emotional pastimes like crossword puzzles and chess, meanwhile putting excess mental blubber in a storage unit at the back of your brain between the calamus scriptorius and occipital pole. Here you can gather residual angst and bitterness toward your mother, and once everything has calcified to a pleasurably conspicuous degree leaving you on the verge of an emotional outburst over Moscow Mules, you can pick it up and fling it into the Recycling Bin of Bad Temptations where it will disintegrate under the weight of forgettable financial choices and one night stands.
Once your brain has found a new level of clarity it will make room for healthy things like chlorophyll drops and aloe vera juice. You will perfect the art of bento boxes and the boy from the red rocks with the hair of gold and love for snowboarding will be happy to date you because your brain isn’t turning him into a petrified monster.
Good luck, and remember, all that glitters is merely the encrusted makeup of an old resentful, botox lady who never learned to get her brain out of the way.