If you are between the ages of 12 and 83, you’re probably having some sort of life crises. The only way to approach it is by reading a selection of these self-help books from the personal growth section of your local bookstore.
“Essential steps to run-in-a-meadow-waving-arms-wildly-for-an-instagram-selfie love life” – tattoos won’t give you a personality
“I will not take anyone’s shit” – you’re a little fish in an ocean of sea monsters
“You’re never gonna be as special as you felt as a kid” – you like me but do you like like like me?
“Do you even follow the way of the Tao, bro?” – what if the best day of your life was a dream?
“Good job, idiot” – watch a toddler walk to feel better about yourself
“I am cashmere in a field of cotton” – keep French dictionaries and fruity lip gloss in your desk
“Fuck everything” – you’re good at sex, I can tell
“Maybe your life is hard but at least you have arms” – you can never tell if it’s life or my never-ending overpowering melancholic depression
“LOL it gets worse” – your dream of being a principal dancer in the NYC Ballet might not come true
“Hi I am alive” – “everything happens for a reason,” says a man who gets hit by a bus today
“Oh well, too late to stop being terrible now” – the whole world is turning into a trash can
“Sometimes I don’t even know if I’m alive” – you can’t out-dream me, you little bitch
“Whatever” – good luck