up all night

Sometimes I am up all night. Last night was one of those nights. I couldn’t sleep at all. And I played stupid games on my iphone than deleted them so that I would never play them again only to download more of these free, pointless games I would play for three hours straight and then delete and replace. All the time I vowed to myself that I would cancel my iphone plan and get a three-month package phone number on skype in place of a phone. Who needs a cell phone much less an iphone, unless you want to get caught by people asking “Why haven’t you answered my call?” or “Why haven’t you called?” or “Don’t you like to talk to me anymore?” But I never did like to talk to you, least of all on the phone. You’re much better to squeeze/hold/look at. And the iphone’s the worst. It lets me play word games, even the new york times crossword puzzle, which reminds me I’m really pretty forgetful and clumsy with language, but this iphone…it burns my ear. I feel cancer growing in it just having that slab of metal energy heating up in my hand. I tried ear buds with a mic but they all broke. Even, or especially I should say, the expensive ones. They had the best sound. But they bunched up, and went haywire after a month and a half. I settled for static music in one ear, and a broken mic, which made the heating block on my ear inevitable. I hate it. I hate the nearly eighty bucks a month. I hate the fear of cancer. I hate the waste of time. But I can’t get rid of it yet. I have a few apps left to try out, more hours to kill between buses and these twilight hours when I can’t sleep. Otherwise I lay like a sarcophagus wrapped up in my heated blanket, already overheating from the late summer arrival of sun through the blinds which pours heavy and brilliant in this usually overcast city during the midhours of the day when I’m still in bed, because I’m unemployed and unless leaving for a long walk everywhere, I prefer bed. I like to be in bed until afternoon. The room is as bright as a light bulb. The blinds are like horizontal sunbeams glowering or beaming at me. It depends on how much sleep I got and how much I feel I need. I feel today like the blinds are glowering, because I need a lot of sleep because my stomach feels curdled and cross. Too much caffeine yesterday on a long walk around the rose festival parade. Criss-crossing back and forth between black tea and beige coffee. I settled for beer at the end of the evening, poured foamy and mahogany rich into my old university mug, a big O and the Mighty Duck song sandwiching the beer cheerfully and securely like a baby in a cradle. This glass mug with the O and song is sturdy and large; it holds two bottles of beer and sense I wanted to be thorough feeling its cavernous belly, I filled it up to the brim with two bottles, and watched an exceptionally good movie. But I don’t want to say which movie it was because everyone knows you’re supposed to watch this movie with Caucasians, or rather I should say with White Russians, and I was drinking beer with a twist of lemon instead. So I failed. It was only because I am unemployed and broke. And I can’t afford those Caucasian ingredients. I could work but then there wouldn’t be time to lay and stare at the ceiling and think. Or play these games. These pointless, pain in the ass app games. And fart a lot, because I tend to do that more at night. Now why is that?
I suppose it just dawned on me how much caffeine I consumed yesterday and how that may be directly related to the 8:51 am on my computer clock and lack of sleep. Damn.

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